Battle of the Sex Gods and Sausage Skin

Via Yahoo Messenger.

In response to a quiz that Bob took on facebook.


delaneyundead: lmao
delaneyundead: brad pitt?
delaneyundead: i must take this test.
er5endaam: do it
er5endaam: i win
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: im going to do it now
delaneyundead: and see who i get
delaneyundead: ewwww
delaneyundead: ben affleck
delaneyundead: gag
er5endaam: hahaha
er5endaam: your life sucks
delaneyundead: it does
delaneyundead: why do you get brad?
<delaneyundead: actually i dont like brad either
er5endaam: what?
er5endaam: why not?
er5endaam: i'm gay for him
er5endaam: i decided i'd take the quiz
er5endaam: if i got brad, i'd post it up
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: well
delaneyundead: i am eating breakfast for dinner now
er5endaam: hot
er5endaam: i love bfast for din din
er5endaam: haha
er5endaam: yeah

a few minutes later...

delaneyundead: so
delaneyundead: it goes
delaneyundead: i just ate pancakes
delaneyundead: and was about to eat sausage
delaneyundead: then I noticed that the sausage had like, a skin on it
delaneyundead: so i peeled it off and almost vomited
delaneyundead: my 11 year old sister went "it could be intestines for all i care." and she peeled the skin off and ate it.
delaneyundead: I vomited in my mouth and preceded to drink water
delaneyundead: tada

Dragonfly Windchime!!!! Im in looovvveeee with it!

Via Photobucket Remix Editor. Another package from my beastie, Mrs. Sam the Nerdy Ninja.

Thanks so much Sam! I love it more thanyou could know!

Sam Withdrawls

Via Yahoo Messenger

doucheisafunnyword appears to be offline and will receive your messages after signing in.

delaneyundead: SAm.
delaneyundead: I miss you
delaneyundead: you arent even online
delaneyundead: how pathetic am I?
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: we havent talked lately im sorrrryyyyy its been crazy here
delaneyundead: ugh
delaneyundead: miss eweeee
delaneyundead: who else will gossip with me about sexypants and mic todd???? whooooooooooooooooooooooo

Via Yahoo Messenger. I keep giving Ashten crap for trying to buy an repo house. lol. hence the following convo. Her status message said "food" so I replied with this:


delaneyundead: food is good
delaneyundead: unless youre us, then its bad
delaneyundead: be sure to save lots of the food
delaneyundead: so when the homeless people who got evicted from your new house wander past crying, you can throw them some
delaneyundead: and that way they wont starve
Ashten Fox: lol what?!
Ashten Fox: omg
Ashten Fox: omg
Ashten Fox: your insane
Ashten Fox: why would you say such things to me
Ashten Fox: lol
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: rofl
delaneyundead: it just came to me
Ashten Fox: so mean
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead:i keep picturing all these little dirty faced latino kids in rags
delaneyundead: sadly walking past your home
Ashten Fox: omg
Ashten Fox: no
Ashten Fox: stop
delaneyundead: tears rolling down their faces
Ashten Fox: i cant take it
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: and we need all 4 rooms
Ashten Fox: we need them
Ashten Fox: lol
delaneyundead:and steve looks out with his shining glory
delaneyundead: and they think "once again the white man wins"
Ashten Fox: its like leave it to beave
Ashten Fox: his glowing abs glistening
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: as he happily mows the lawn
delaneyundead: steve is all blonde and golden
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: lol
delaneyundead:with really nice teeth
Ashten Fox: hahhaha
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: and i come out all pregnant in cute heels
Ashten Fox: and our nice car and bike
Ashten Fox: with a puppy
delaneyundead:with a dog
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: "yall want some lemonade"
Ashten Fox: lmao
delaneyundead:thats so sad
delaneyundead:soooo sad
Ashten Fox: I know
Ashten Fox: but hilarious
Ashten Fox: and I dont care
Ashten Fox: because we pay our bills
Ashten Fox: so fuck them
Ashten Fox: we get the house
Ashten Fox: yayyyy
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: what if there are like, toddlers and babies
delaneyundead: and they are all dirty and malnourished
Ashten Fox: then they can sign them over to us
Ashten Fox: I want kids anyway
delaneyundead: and they walk up crying and beggin for help
Ashten Fox: but no lazy adultos
Ashten Fox: (thats spanish for adults)
delaneyundead: and the mom has cancer and no legs
delaneyundead: and the dad is dead
delaneyundead: killed by a drunk driver
Ashten Fox: omg
Ashten Fox: that bish
Ashten Fox: especially under obama
Ashten Fox: would be getting so much money from the govt
Ashten Fox: that she would be moving into a bigger house
Ashten Fox: so
Ashten Fox: again
delaneyundead:shes an illegal immigrant
delaneyundead:so she gets no money
delaneyundead: and her kids are all citizens
Ashten Fox: yo no soy sympatico
delaneyundead: they cant live without her bc they love her so much
delaneyundead:and they just beg you
Ashten Fox: tooooo bad
Ashten Fox: did you know
Ashten Fox: you can join the military to get legal status
Ashten Fox: should have served your country
delaneyundead: yeah but not with cancer and no legs
Ashten Fox: and become a citizen
Ashten Fox: she didnt always have cancer
Ashten Fox: and that wouldnt be my problem
delaneyundead: she was about to join the military when a white rich man came and raped her, then burned off her legs
Ashten Fox: plus she has some kids
Ashten Fox: who are citizens
Ashten Fox: well then she could have sued him
Ashten Fox: and gotten lots of money
Ashten Fox: even as a non citizen
delaneyundead: he died right after that
delaneyundead: and there was no proof
Ashten Fox: lmao
Ashten Fox: auww
Ashten Fox: thats so sad
Ashten Fox: but luckily
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: we got their house
delaneyundead:what a sad tale
delaneyundead:what if its haunted by the dead husbands ghost?
delaneyundead:and he watches you in the shower
delaneyundead: and speaks spanish?
Ashten Fox: whatev
Ashten Fox: hes a ghost
delaneyundead: i guess he and steve would get along
Ashten Fox: and i speak spanish too
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: lmao
Ashten Fox: I speak spanish actually
Ashten Fox: I had to translate at CVS laast week
Ashten Fox: it was a wreck
delaneyundead: lol
Ashten Fox: the woman at the register couldnt speak spanish
Ashten Fox: the other woman couldnt speak english
Ashten Fox: and i was like
Ashten Fox: im not just going to stand here
delaneyundead: "bailon todos"
Ashten Fox: all she wanted was to find the bathroom and go pee
Ashten Fox: lmao

Love and Fish

Via facebook Messenger. Poor Trav. And for the records...we've been calling each other by the nickname 'Stupid' for seriously about 6 or 7 years now. Don't ask. in high school, we'd walk by each other in the halls and say "Hey stupid."


10:43pmTravis
Delaney I'm taking a break

10:43pmDelaney
a break from what?

10:43pmTravis
studying

10:43pmDelaney
lol
yay!
talk to me then, im bored!

10:43pmTravis
sweet
you have 15 minutes of entertainment coming straight at you through a facebook chat window...!!!

10:43pmDelaney
lol
woowoo
travis chats are the best!

10:44pmTravis
sweet
so what's new my friend

10:44pmDelaney
not much
im bored
lol
life is very boring momentarily

10:44pmTravis
dang
mine's kinda crazy

10:45pmDelaney
how so?

10:45pmTravis
wanna hear about it?
k well number one
i'm at work right now
and there are like a billion people

10:47pmTravis
okay number 2
i got dropped like it's hot by a crying girl who told me it just wasn't the right time
number 3
I have finals next week in physucks and biochem

10:50pmTravis
i'm also going camping for three days and i'll be waking up to go surfing EVERY morning. I'm going to basically eat fish i catch in the water as i'm surfing and sleep on my board
like as i'm carving i'll just reach out and snag some
they won't even know what hit 'em
and i'll eat 'em like gollum
hello?

10:52pmDelaney
sorry
lol
my comp is lame
lol
ok
soooo
where do you work?
and that girl is missing out on a sweet catch
anddddd
speaking of sweet catch, im jealous of your surf/fish excursions

10:54pmTravis
I wish I was a sea lion sometimes. mates would be so easy to find
and fish
i work at the library

10:54pmDelaney
lol
awww trav
how old are you?

10:55pmTravis
almost 23

10:55pmDelaney
you are young!
you have tons of time to get married!
and find your mate...and fish

10:55pmTravis
yes
fish
mmm

10:56pmDelaney
i actually dont enjoy fish
at all
lol
ewwww

10:58pmTravis
that's stupid stupid

10:58pmDelaney
no its not, stupid. your face is stupid

10:59pmTravis
that's what she said stupid

10:59pmDelaney
lol...awwww.
you are just so stupid
<3

11:00pmTravis
i know i don't even make sense sometimes haha

11:00pmDelaney
me neither...thats why we carried on this stupid thing for what? like 6 years now?

11:00pmTravis
haha yup

11:01pmDelaney
soooo when are you not in school?
spring break?

11:01pmTravis
yup
in a week and a half from today
it will be glorious

11:02pmDelaney
what are you going to do on break?
surf?

11:02pmTravis
oooooooooooooooooohhhhh yeah
and rock climb
like no other

11:03pmDelaney
i am jealous of you

11:03pmTravis
my arms aren't going to function it'll be so bad

11:03pmDelaney
in fact, im going to punch you now

11:03pmTravis
you missed
because you're stupid
:)
:D

11:03pmDelaney
lol...and since youre stupid
i got you just now when you said that
in fact
there is already a huge bruise forming
darn

11:04pmTravis
haha

11:04pmDelaney
we are violent people
and we always call each other names
this is the best friendship everrrr

11:05pmTravis
Basically

11:05pmDelaney
sooooo
i wish i had more excited-ness to tell you
but i dont
im lame
and boring

11:06pmTravis
find me a totally awesome sweet and committed girlfriend
i mean i can do that on my own

11:06pmDelaney
wouldnt that be kinda weird?

11:06pmTravis
i don't need you stupid!

11:06pmDelaney
me randomly finding some girl for you?
i wish i had single friends!
im the only one!
everyone else is married or engaged!

11:07pmTravis
true
or me

11:07pmDelaney
maybe we ARE old

My Face Looks Fat.

viw myspace comment. my video response to sam's. I look like my face is chubby. kinda double chinny. Im not sure why. it sucks. lol

Letters.

Via Myspace Comment. Sam and I have become best friends over the p ast few weeks/days/whatever...and we are pe n pals. We decided to record each other opening our latest letters in order to upload the vids to RobotLuv. i haven't gotten Sam's yet..but here is her response to my letter.

Dark Nights.

Via yahoo Messenger. I had been awake early and left Ash a message about a dream I had where she was dead.

Ashten Fox: wtf
Ashten Fox: thats freaky
Ashten Fox: now i have to knowwwwwwww
delaneyundead: yeah totally it was scary
delaneyundead: in my dream i cant remember alot of it but you were in a car accident
delaneyundead: it wasnt realistic though
delaneyundead: there was no steve
delaneyundead: it was wierd
delaneyundead: we were in 'jersey'
Ashten Fox: that is super wierd
delaneyundead: but it wasnt really jersey...it was like this dream city
Ashten Fox: yeah
delaneyundead: and in it we had like grown up together and people knew we were super close
delaneyundead: our families were super close too...they were these huge 'jersey families'
delaneyundead: it was so creepy
delaneyundead: and at your funeral i kept crying and crying
delaneyundead: and they showed a video of us
delaneyundead: and at the end you had a message for me saying we were best friends til the end
Ashten Fox: dangggg
delaneyundead: it was soooo eery
Ashten Fox: yeah that is
delaneyundead: you know how in some dreams everything is kinda cloudy and stuff?delaneyundead: thats how it was in my dream
Ashten Fox: yeah
delaneyundead: all cloudy a nd dark and almost comic book like
delaneyundead: i woke up and when i realized it was a dream i was like "thank god"
delaneyundead: it was horrible
delaneyundead: *shiver*
Ashten Fox: yeah ive had those
delaneyundead: so weird
Ashten Fox: theyre super sad
Ashten Fox: and strange
delaneyundead: i wonder what it meant?
Ashten Fox: probably that you feel like our friendship is drying
Ashten Fox: *dying
Ashten Fox: it happened after days of not talking
delaneyundead: maybe
delaneyundead: i actually felt lately like weve gotten to talk more than ever
delaneyundead: there was no drew or steve or andrew or billy or anyone
delaneyundead: we were older teenagers
Ashten Fox: thats true
delaneyundead: it was just so random
Ashten Fox: i know
Ashten Fox: lol
Ashten Fox: but i mean the past few days
delaneyundead: and why jersey???
delaneyundead: lmfao
Ashten Fox: lol cuz were gangster
delaneyundead: hahahah
delaneyundead: we were really popular in the dream
delaneyundead: i wish i could remember all of it
delaneyundead: because there was like a plot to it
delaneyundead: i was trying to do something
Ashten Fox: lol
delaneyundead: i just cant remember what
Ashten Fox: Ashten and Delaney go to white castle
delaneyundead: lmfao
delaneyundead: lmfao
delaneyundead: oh god
delaneyundead: neverrr
delaneyundead: not after last time
Ashten Fox: true
Ashten Fox: wow we really did

Love.

via Yahoo messenger


doucheisafunnyword: damnit bestie where are yooooooooou?!?!
doucheisafunnyword: I'm going into delaney withdrawals.
delaneyundead: lol
delaneyundead: i am just here
doucheisafunnyword: YAAAAAA
delaneyundead: i may have to go soon though
doucheisafunnyword: I LOVE my letter
delaneyundead: lol
doucheisafunnyword: LOVE T
doucheisafunnyword: it*
delaneyundead: did you like it?
delaneyundead: did you read my ad libs?
delaneyundead: lol
doucheisafunnyword: I was SO excited when I went to the mailbox that I yelled out "YAY!" and josh came rushing outside asking "Are you okay?!?!"
doucheisafunnyword: I wasn't aware that mic todd has fish in his testicles.
delaneyundead: lmfao
delaneyundead: yeah he does
doucheisafunnyword: but I'm not married to him like you are
doucheisafunnyword: so
delaneyundead: lmfao
delaneyundead: i wish
delaneyundead: gosh i sure do wish
delaneyundead: the marriage part, not the testicles part
doucheisafunnyword: are they like the shoes from the 70's that you could put goldfish in?doucheisafunnyword: all clear and nifty
delaneyundead: I imagine mic todd's testicles being like any other man's testicles
doucheisafunnyword: With more rock
doucheisafunnyword: lmao
delaneyundead: lmfao.
doucheisafunnyword: he's got rockin' balls.
delaneyundead: doesn't he though?
doucheisafunnyword: I guess...
doucheisafunnyword: lma
doucheisafunnyword: o
doucheisafunnyword: I've never really thought about it honestly
delaneyundead: i know youre going to stab me but I have to run for a bit
doucheisafunnyword: not until the madlibs anyway
delaneyundead: mom duties call.
delaneyundead: ill be on tonight
doucheisafunnyword: You better come back!
delaneyundead: to give you the latest sexypants report
doucheisafunnyword: I will come to chicago and beat you@